That’s actually a song from the end of Portal the game. And it also applies to me right now. I *am* still alive and dancing. Switched studios, but I’m doing great.
(Hello to my friend Ax)
Oh dear, watch out. Two posts in two days. That may be a record for continuity on this blog.
Two posts in two days. Yeah.
Anywho, on to the subject: focus. I think we all have those times where someone is talking to us, and we realize half way through them speaking that we were in our own little world and didn’t hear a word they said. I suspect most people don’t have this happen in ballet class. Apparently I struggle with it (can we say ADHD much).
The teacher will be half way through explaining a combination when I’ll realize I wasn’t even listening and I have no clue what to do with my arms.
Even odder, I think I have the student dancer syndrome. What’s that? Never heard of it? Good, because I just made the name up.
For whatever reason my brain thinks it’s a good idea that if someone dancing in front of me, I’ll try to copy them instead of doing the dance from memory. And can we guess what happens when they inevitably mess up? Yep, I make the same mistake. And here’s the funny thing: I just realized that I do this tonight. *tonight*. Yeah.
It’s amazing when you see me at the end of a barre. Either I am focused, and I’ll actually do better when I can’t see a dancer in front of me, or I’m really out of it and have to drag myself through the combination on the second side.
So, yeah. If my brain doesn’t start shaping up, I’ll come to class saying I got a retina transplant wearing dueling eye patches. Maybe then I’ll start focusing on myself.
Classes have started again, and I am feel the fact that I haven’t exercised for the past few weeks (hey, I was sick twice for 2 and a half weeks; don’t judge). I’m doing ok, except for the fact that when the head of the school popped his head in, I was on the wrong foot. At least they saw me do it almost perfectly.
(for context, see my last post)
Somehow I missed my unbirthday! It was the 7th! I’m officially 18. Wow.
When you’re younger (read: 4th grade) you think, “Wow, 18. You must be, like, so different!”. But you’re not. It’s just the same old you in a bigger body. Oh, well, of course hopefully you’ve gotten smarter. Even if just a bit.
But no, nothing really feels different. It’s just the world having different expectations of you.
For example: dance. I should be a magical dancer by this age, but I still struggle with my splits.
Sometimes I think of giving up. It’s more of a recent thing. When I first started, I told myself that I would never even think about giving up, but I don’t think you really ever know anything about what you’re doing until you think of giving up,
It feels hopeless sometimes, but I hang on. Because in the end, the only thing that will always be there is hope.
So finally I’m going to write that update. Things are going fairly well. This school year I was moved up to Level 5. In contrast, in May I was in Level 1. At my studio I think it goes up until Level 12 (it’s kind of hard to tell, as they get joined and have weird names. sort of like if you’ve ever tried martial arts: once you think you have belt colours memorized, they start adding randomly coloured tapes to them).
You may be thinking, “Oh, so that mean you’re a fantastic dancer now!”. Sadly, no. I still have a long while to go before I even consider myself worth watching. I’ve made tonnes of progress, but not enough yet.
Here’s my list of dance todos to make me magical:
And that’s about it for the update. Nutcracker is coming up. I don’t really have any mentionable rolls this year. Hopefully that will change next year.-tente
Are you even allowed to have them at 18? And if so, is it even legal to have multiple at the same time? It just doesn’t feel right. It’s like being pulled multiple directions at one time.
Yes, I know I haven’t posted online in a while. Yes, I’m still at it. No, I don’t know if anyone still checks this blog.
There’s that funny quote, “Be yourself, because everyone else is taken”, but tonight, out of all nights, I wish I were someone else.
It’s just the struggle. To be the best. Continually. But then you see someone with the exact talent… the exact body you wish you could have. The very things you strive for every day, they already have.
I at least wish this would be easier. Why does the world hate me so?
Just a short reminder to myself that I can’t eat everything during these next few days/weeks. Otherwise it will undo everything I’ve been working towards.
Haha, I love reading them. I ought to post something more meaningful. Nutcracker is just around the corner.